I have no idea where to begin looking for that meaning
Try to create something. Might be a real-world project, like something out of wood (sculpture? birdhouse?) or if you don’t like that, maybe online? Learn to program but not for the sake of it – try to make something useful. Maybe Minecraft related? I dunno. It’s also a nice excercise to write up about your progress – a private Tumblr, maybe. I learnt a good project is a great way to keep busy and can help forget.
Thanks for the apology. I didn’t take stuff you said to my heart, but I have to admit, it was annoying as hell to deal with you. Here’s to the better times.